never enough

The more I read the Bible, the more I appreciate the disciples. They are just so...human! These followers of Christ, these extra-special people are some of the most dense, confused and hypocritical people in the entire Bible. I love that the Bible doesn't hide that. It doesn't gloss them over and only tell us the good things about the disciples - it tells us when they totally suck too!

In the Catholic calendar, today is St. Philip and St. James' day, so naturally today's passage (John 14:6-14) is about St. Philip. Philip says to Jesus, "Show us God, then we'll be satisfied." I feel that way sometimes, especially when I feel like my life is out of control or I have experienced a series of bad events. I feel like crying out, "Just show yourself to me, God! Let me see you so I can know you're really there and you're really taking care of me."

It's one thing to talk the talk. It's easy to say that God is always with us. It's easy to say that God takes care of us. But when the rubber hits the road and tragedy strikes or sickness hits or you don't have enough money to pay your bills that month, just saying that God takes care of you doesn't seem to be enough. You want proof. You want a solution, healing, cash - not now, right now! If that would happen, then I'd be satisified. Then I'd know you were really there, God.

I love Jesus' response to Philip. "Have I been with you all this time and you still don't know me?" Jesus walked with Philip. He talked with Philip. He performed miracles in front of Philip. He prayed with Philip. But it wasn't enough. All Philip could see was the way the disciples were treated by the Pharisees and he wanted reassurance. His question to Jesus proves that Thomas wasn't the only doubting disciple. He wanted to see God, to know that who and what he was following wasn't some grand hoax.

"Have I been with you all this time and you still don't know me?"

Isn't it the same with us? We've seen God work in our lives and the lives of the people we know. We've seen him come through in some of the worst situations, bringing comfort and healing and hope. Heck, I've even seen him take care of my finances time and time again. And yet it's still not enough some days.

We already know that life on this earth is not guaranteed to be easy just because we're Christians. We live in a broken, sinful world, full of pressure to worship things and lifestyles other than Christ. But Jesus is with us and he works all things for the good of those who love him. All things - the good stuff and the bad stuff - are in God's control.

How then can we say, 'Show us the Father'? Do we not believe that Jesus is in the Father and the Father is in him? Those days when we are not satisfied with God, when we want proof that he's there, we need to look to the cross again and again and again until we remember and are convinced that Jesus really is enough.