egomaniac

It doesn't take me long to think of at least ten people I would consider to be egomainiacs. People who are so self-obsessed that they make you feel bad about yourself just by giving you 'that look' out of the corner of their eye.

They make me very angry.

And then I think to myself of something I have found to be very true - you hate the most the thing you do yourself. Does that mean I'm an egomaniac? Sometimes. Not that I outwardly show it, necessarily, but there are times when I catch myself thinking that I'm most definitely better than a lot of other people. I fish for compliments. I dig around to find out what good things people think of me. I pat myself on the back every time I do something I know someone would admire.

Today's passage is similar to one I talked about a couple weeks ago. It's Jesus instructing us to deny ourselves, take up our crosses and follow him.

Lent is about denying yourself something. I've decided to try to give something up that's a little more difficult than giving up my morning tea. I'm going to try to give up my need to do things and my need to be successful. I'm going to try to learn how to rest in God.

This is something that's a constant struggle for me because it means denying the egomaniac part of me. It prevents me from finding my self-satisfaction in the things that I do and forces me to boast in God rather than in myself. It forces me to slow down and get out of God's way so that he can do his work without me trying to control the whole situation.

What are you denying yourself this lenten season? What does the cross you are bearing look like as you follow Jesus?