the cost of leadership

(II Samuel 16:5-12) This was a curious passage to read today for a number of reasons. First, because at church yesterday, Rob talked about David showing God's kindness to a member of Saul's household and second, because it relates to some of the trials of leadership.

This passage tells of a man who was related to the first Israelite king, Saul, coming out of his house and cursing David, the second Israelite king. He was angry. Saul's family, immediate and extended, had more or less all been killed. This guy was a survivor and he was wicked angry. Now, the killing of Saul and his family was not really David's fault. Saul had made some very poor decisions as king and even took his own life at the end of it all.

But we all need to blame someone for our problems, don't we?

And that's what Shimei did. Blamed David in his anger. It probably gave him some vengeful satisifaction to hear that David's own son, Absolam, was trying to kill him so that he could take over the throne.

David is a fascinating leader to me. He is hailed as Israel's greatest king, but if you really read the details of his life, you might come to the conclusion that he was a lying, murderous, adulterous, wishy-washy, whiny kind of guy. Some king. And yet, the Bible never fails to refer to him as 'a man after God's own heart.' I've always wondered about that. What was it about David that made him a man after God's own heart?

Today's passage might actually give some hints. One of David's attendants gets PO'd at Shimei - even goes so far as to call him a dead dog. But instead of agreeing with him and ordering the man put to death (which David had every right to do), he says, let him curse me.

Let him curse me. Would you let someone curse you that way? Badmouth you like that? I can't think of many people who would.

But David did. David's context for everything that happened to him in his life was his relationship with God. David trusted God implicitly and believed that nothing happened to him without God's involvement, even when he had no idea what in the world God was trying to do. David knew that he was not perfect. Heck, David knew he was pretty messed up, all things considered. But he also knew that he had been chosen by God and that God had promised to orchestrate everything in David's life for God's own glory - his sucesses and even his failures.

I think that's why David let Shimei curse him. He knew he deserved it. Maybe not for what Shimei was accusing him of, but for sure for something else. Instead of defending himself, David left it to God. If God had sent Shimei out to curse him, that was what he was supposed to do. If not, God would take care of it.

I don't know if I have that kind of faith yet. I don't know if I have the kind of relationship with God that allows me to put everything that happens to me into his hands completely. I don't know if I have the kind of self-confidence required to allow people to think poorly of me and trust that God will deal with it, one way or the other.

This is what is so hard about being a leader. We are in the spotlight, so to speak. People watch our actions and our behaviour and will judge us before getting to know us. It comes with the territory and it's a hard thing to deal with sometimes. And it doesn't matter how good we are at what we do (David was an excellent king), not everybody is going to like us.

Also, not everybody is going to be on our side. We are decieved if we think that just because we are leaders of a youth group that everyone will see things our way. People defend the things they care about the most (be it family or something else) and we have to admit that we are the exact same way.

People will blame us for things that are not our fault. People will disagree with our methods and even with our personalities. But that is not our problem. That's God's problem. If we walk in his will, do what is pleasing to him and trust him with everything we have and are, he will deal with it one way or the other.

And we're not perfect. Never will be while we live on this earth. Sometimes we deserve correction and even punishment. It's how we grow.

It's not easy to come to that place of maturity that says, I will not worry about what others say or think of me, I will only worry what God thinks of me. It's hard to let go and not take personally what feels like personal attacks. It's not easy to accept correction or even punishment. But it is a good goal to have.

When the Bible tells us that there is freedom in Christ, I think this is part of what it means. It means truly understanding Christ's forgiveness of our imperfections to the extent that we naturally and freely extend that forgiveness to others. It means that we are free to give ALL our burdens, the things that anger us, hurts and curses people throw at us, to our Saviour.

His shoulders really are big enough.

Let's strive to be people after God's own heart.