my plan is working perfectly!

Well, I've invited a whole bunch of people to join this and so far, I like the ease of this system much better than what I had set up before. Just so everyone knows, I have invited a few 'adults' to join us too. I figure they're just youth in disguise! Besides which, they care about us and our 'issues' and I think it's good to give them an idea of some of the things they can pray for and support us in.

I'm getting more excited about all this. Not only is this not as dependent on my maintenance as the previous site, I love writing and I can type fast! :oP

I did say I was gonna post some of my thoughts about that Sacred Space site, didn't I? I should do that.

First off, I loved the simplicity of it. You just read the short instructions and you pray. The passage I was asked to meditate on was Mark 3:13-19, where Jesus called the 12 disciples. One of the things that struck me was how Jesus picked them out from a group. I couldn't help but imagine myself there and wonder how I would have felt if I hadn't been chosen. I would have been heartbroken. It's like not getting picked on a sports team.

But then it occured to me that the people Jesus chose were not necessarily exceptional humans. They weren't necessarily as organized or efficient or anal as I am. They were stubborn, fanatical, greedy and betraying. What would Jesus want with guys like that? Wouldn't he want someone a little more put together? Maybe not. Maybe he knew that they were the kind of guys whowould screw up. The kind of guys who would have to come back to him and admit all the ways they hadn't lived up to his expectations. And he would say, "And that's why you need me." Maybe I don't need Jesus enough. Maybe I'm too self-reliant. Maybe.

Do you ever feel like being talented at certain things seems more like a burden than a gift? The expectations and responsibilities are so high. And how far you can fall. Maybe I need Jesus more than those guys did. I know I've already had many lessons on how I can't do everything myself. But part of me doesn't really believe that. Part of me still insists that if I put my mind to it, I can get it done on my own. Maybe I need Jesus to keep breaking me. Maybe I need him to show me how best to invest my 'talents' so that I don't have to fall as far. Or maybe I'm just a more polished stubborn, fanatic, greedy, lying traitor.

After meditating on the scripture, I was supposed to imagine that Jesus was right there in the room with me. I was supposed to just lay my heart out for him. I'm always amazed at how ashamed I feel when I have to do that exercise. Ashamed but safe somehow. Like Jesus says to me, "I'm glad you're here. I know you're not perfect. But that's okay. That's why you need me. I already died. I already made it all right. You don't need to beat yourself up as much as you do." And then he kind of chuckles at me and just holds on to me for a while.

What a great God.